Success as an Open-Mic Comedian.
Open mic comedy is a long-standing tradition of comedy clubs all across the world. Bringing the most hilarious comics to treat guests in a free comedy setting, no need to buy tickets or wait in lines, just pure grade-A comedy on-demand.
But how can you truly aspire in this cut-throat world of open mic comedy?
Just follow this simple guide and be on the road to fame and fortune within no time at all. These are proven rules, tips, and tricks that will fast-track you to comedic genius!
1: MAKE SURE YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOUR FUNNY.
The most important thing to ensure comedy success is that everyone you know, thinks you're funny. How can you be funny to strangers if your friends and family don't tell you constantly that you should be a comedian? How do you even judge yourself if you're not always reminded how funny you are? In fact, if you ever feel yourself "losing the audience", reassure them that your friends think you're funny. This works with "bookers" too! (a "booker" is an impartial judge of you and your comedy, they "book" shows by only using the talent they think will sell and never just pick people they like/want to sleep with)
2: ALWAYS ASK WHERE THE WEED SMOKERS ARE AT.
Comedy 101 is relating to your audience, and the best way to find out where your audience's head is at is by asking this simple question.
"Where my weed smokers at?"
First off, it's hilarious, letting the crowd know your "cool" and "hip" and "with it" and "jive" and "in-the-know" and "a party boi" will always elicit uproarious laughter. Now they know you're not afraid of the law* and you're here to have a good time.
Secondly, it's a good way to get "smoked-out" after the show by a random audience member who will tell you how funny you are.
*This does not work in places where marijuana is legal, they just don't get it.
3: WHEN THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T "GET IT".
Open mic audiences are among the most discernable comedy judges of any other humans on earth. They have come out to see YOU. This isn't your run of the mill "paid show", they got in free, so they know comedy. If you feel the audience isn't reacting to you the way they should make sure to place the blame completely on them. I mean, it's free to laugh people. Berating audience members is always the perfect way to bring them back to your side.
Yeah, that guy does have a stupid hat on!
Yes, that girl is a bit chubby, but you'd totally bone her!
These simple techniques will keep the crowd roaring with laughter.
4: LISTS ARE FOR THE UNFUNNY COMICS.
The sign-up list is only there for the comics who aren't funny, it's the only way they can get a chance to be on stage. But you, you're funny, so you can go up whenever. Just go up to the host and let them know "you're next", they'll get it and immediately put you up. Also, if an open mic requires you sign up via e-mail or app, don't bother, you'll go up when you want to.
5: GO-TO PREMISES THAT ALWAYS KILL.
Sometimes writing jokes is hard work, not for you obviously, so you can skip this part, but some comics have trouble with it. Here's a short list for guaranteed laughs. Just pick a premise, expand on it, throw in a few cuss words, and profit!
- Politics
Everyone knows Trump's an idiot, but do they know he's kinda orange-tinted as well? LET 'EM KNOW! - Religion
Be sure the audience knows you denounce their god. - Hitting Women
Sometimes you gotta let a lady know, you know? - The "N" Word
Every solid professional comic uses the "N" word, and so should you, no matter your race (but especially if your Latino). - How Big/Small Your Dick Is
No matter how you spin it, dick jokes KILL!
6: WHAT'S NEXT?
So, you've done it! You went up to three, maybe four open mics, you're a veteran comic now, but where do you go from here? A Netflix special is the logical next step, but you should take it slowly, first begin by emailing/texting/calling/talking to the "booker" every single day. It's his job to find talent, so you telling him how talented you are every day is, literally, why he got into this business. Then start getting booked on a few paid gigs, have a buddy make a shaky iPhone video of your set to put on YouTube, and wait for Netflix to call. A legend in the making, you're welcome.
That's it, six simple rules to become the greatest comedian of your generation. The money will flow in shortly after your ninth or tenth open mic appearance if you follow these instructions. Once you've hit it big email your available dates to the nearest "booker" on an hourly basis, in case he doesn't see it right away.
Good luck and break a leg!
-William Cennamo is a freelance writer and comedy club manager. His years of experience with open mic comedy have gone to his head and he believes he knows everything there is to know about it. He has never actually done open mic comedy but his friends think he's funny. He lives with his wife and 2.5 children in Arlington, TX.
